My anxiety was taking the better of me when I was walking home last midnight from the screening of Taare Zameen Pe (TZP). The movie hall is about a mile from my home and instead of driving and indulging in finding-a-parking-spot affair I decided to talk a walk.

It did help me clear my thoughts. Not completely because I am still undecided, still ambiguous. Uncertainty is a killer and it rips right through your heart. You live but you are not breathing. You think but you cannot decide. Should I let go or should I not? If I delve on the former my heart shrinks. I have gone too far. If I try to turn and trace my steps back I cannot because the tears blur my vision. I have devoted myself and it hurts to know the feeling not being reciprocated. Not even close. I contemplate what drives me there. I find no answer. I see the light at the end of the tunnel but it is that of an oncoming train.
And then I think whether I should not let go. Fight my way through the adversaries. But somewhere in the back of my mind I know I am fighting a lost battle. I will only be delaying the inevitable. The more I delay the more pain I will inflict upon myself.
I close my eyes every night thinking about the choice I have to make and I wake up every morning perplexed.

And while I started with TZP let me end with TZP. I believe it is a film well made. I seemed a stretch during times but the message was delivered loud and clear. Worth every penny.

Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise.

The past few months have been the most exciting, well, zealous would the right word. There were few lessons learned. Expectations narrowed and horizons limited.

Let go of all the hopes that I have had so far. I realized that maybe I am just holding on to that chunk of sand and the tighter I hold onto it, the more faster it slips away. As much as I am reluctant, I would rather let go of the chase.

Life on the professional front has always been appealing for me. I still maintain that I am lucky enough to have a job for which I could have given an arm and a leg. Not exactly my dream job (a sports journalist) but I can for sure say that this job is close.
Ever since it was announced by our CEO that the company is on sale, we were no longer en masse. Feeling of loss of security crept in on many, including myself.
Now that we are no longer on sale, decided to remain independent all we can do is look back and laugh at ourself seeing how miserable we were during those times. Drinks and dinners are more fun.
I realized never to delve deep into the intricacies of the future.

I will be going home after 18 months. A part of me is glad at the idea of a much needed vacation. A part of me is anxious about the trip. Will this be one of those jaunts, at the end of which you wished you never should have started?