'V' is Indian..

Sakshi's quandary and Fpr's dubiety, both circled around the same controversial topic - Premarital Sex in India, rather being virgin or not before marriage. Instead of rattling my mind on some new junk, I decided to write on the same, ofcourse from a male perspective.

Premarital, what is it? Is it a noun, so that it automatically becomes a taboo (or not), or is it an adjective which simply means an act before marriage?
Ethics, morality and culture are the aspects, we Indians are always fueled with. We have learned to respect our elders, be close to our parents throughout the year instead of only the traditional thanksgiving day visit and listen to whatever they say. The key word right there, LISTEN. We heed each and every advice they impart, no matter how prehistorical or neanderthal it might be. No offense meant, but that is when the word premarital, which in legitimate sense should be an adjective, becomes a noun.

What did I just mean by the above rant? Let me illustrate, by giving an example which happened with me few weeks back. Me, my uncle and my aunt (who by the way is just a year older than me) were traveling. To spend time we usually debate on something. My aunt brought up this topic about premarital sex and asked me if I advocated it.
"Yes, I do".
"What? Why can't you wait till the wedding?"
"Why should I? If I know I am marrying this person anyways, what point does it make to wait?"
"What if things don't work out and you break up before the marriage? You already have had sex with her."
"You mean to say that things SHOULD work out because we are married? Just because we are legally together doesn't mean that break ups won't happen after we are married."
.....the arguement then continued on marriage which she terms as 'the social and pure institution'.
In the end, she mentioned that "I was nurtured by my grandmother till I started working. Orthodox and conservative values are deep rooted in me. I can't help it."

When I was in college, me and my best buddy had coined a term for such people. We called them ABCs, which means Aai Baba Category. People who are like,"....Aai bolte skirts aani jeans ghaalaycha nahi........Baba boltaat 8 chya nantar baaher kuthe jaaycha nahi....." (Mom says not to wear jeans and skirts....Dad says not to be outside the house after 8), are essentially ABCs. Are these people not educated? Are they not living in 2007, or are a part of the so called Gen-X? Indeed they are. However, education and the social conditions of living are not the criteria for any person to be liberal or to be unorthodox. My Aunt is a post-grad, she wears Mini skirts and tank tops. But she still thinks premarital sex is a taboo. She lives in America, works in America but she still considers the word premarital as a noun. Then why such narrow mindedness? As I addressed before, it is about how you are fostered.

Another amusing excuse of avoiding premarital sex is the enjoyment factor. It goes something like this, "Be careful about how much physical you get. You won't enjoy as much after marriage". Now they have got to be kidding me. They mean to say that my enjoyment factor or rather my libido would be endless after I get married and before I marry it tends towards zero? The first thought which would creep in your mind is, 'Is this person illiterate talking like this?' Again, as I mentioned before, education has nothing to do with being such unmindful. One of my friend, who is a doctor, is doing her medicine in the US, speaks of preserving yourself for the 'Suhaag Raat'.

I am not surprised to note that most of the time, the grumbling of premarital sex rant is bellowed by women, more so Indian women. I find that completely practical and totally logical. Indian women can't simply be put on a same scale as women from the west and then subjected to ethical arguments such as premarital sex. The most important thing which separates us from the western youth, is the development of our maturity. More than 90% of the Americans leave their parents house and try to make it on their own when they reach the age of 16. Except for asking money for their tuition, they have nothing to do with their parents including making decisions. 16 is the age when we start maturing, when we start to think about our future.
Now compare Indian women with American women, who have just turned 18. I can bet that 50% of those Indian women won't be knowing what it needs to be done to have a baby, while more than 50% of the American women might already have had sex!

How many Indian women do you see carrying that anti-pregnancy pill in their pocket books? How many of them have an EPT indicator in their homes? How many of the Indian MEN don't feel shy when buying a condom, forget about even thinking about it? Blend in all these factors and then think about why Indian women shy away from premarital sex. It is better to be safe than to be sorry, they say. In India, you can't just be sorry, you go to hell. You become a social stigma. People will be talking more about you than the new Hrithik Roshan release. No one, even the most educated one in India would want to be that. In America, the youth is careful. In India, the youth is not well advised.

Virginity - a dignity or lack of opportunity? Premarital sex or not? Ask me and I do not have a definite answer. I do not see this as a wrong, but I definitely see this as an individual's choice. If someone thinks that they want to preserve themselves for their soul mate, it is their choice, as long as they don't preach about it. For those who prefer to have it before, ofcourse with mutual consent, it is their choice as well. The only difference is that in India, the mutual consent would be hard to obtain. Either the girl is scared of social repercussions or she is sacred to her family's teachings and preachings.

So the next time when you visit your girlfriend's house and whilst watching Baywatch, you hear someone shout, "Change the channel", from some other room, you know you won't be getting it until marriage. If that's not the case, make sure you carry the 'necessities' yourself when you guys are alone. She won't do it and if you don't either, you know you won't be getting it until marriage.